My dumb city: Philadelphia nicknames

Here in Philadelphia, fans and media have for decades conspired to confer on the city's athletes the lamest, most pathetically unimaginative collection of nicknames in all of sports.

Steve Carlton, a star lefthanded baseball pitcher, was called — get this — Lefty. And that's as creative as Philadelphia's sports minds get. Beyond that, Mike Schmidt was called Schmitty. Bobby Clarke was Clarkie. John Kruk was, if you can believe it, Krukker.

Just this week, an article about Flyers (hockey) forward Jeff Carter took the trouble to note that his teammates call him "Carts." Basketball's Julius Erving was Dr. J, but he got that evocative nickname before he came to the Philadelphia 76ers. Had he started his career here, he no doubt would have been called the Juler.

Where have you gone, Yankee Clipper, Splendid Splinter, Galloping Ghost, Night Train, Rocket? Sure as hell not to Philadelphia.

Hell, if Edson Arantes do Nascimento, known the world over as Pelé, had played soccer here, Philadelphia would have called him Edsie and been pleased with itself for doing so.

What are the lamest, feeblest, least creative, most Philadelphia-worthy nicknames, sports or otherwise, that you can think of?

© Peter Rozovsky 2008